Old McCain Chooses Young, Taller Palin

Wow! John McCain suddenly looks even older than before!

Yes, he's chosen a 44 year old, former beauty queen as his running mate -- a woman with less than 2 years of experience in public office has been chosen as the person who will replace John McCain when -- and this is not an "if" -- he croaks in high office should the American public be so incomparably stupid as to elect him.

We couldn't have asked for a better candidate! And all credit to Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for forcing the Republicans to choose a woman VP -- something they never would have dreamed of doing if Obama and Clinton hadn't upped the ante in this election and shouted from the mountaintops that the United States has a whole lot more people in it that aren't white men.

With the choice of Sarah Palin, not only does McCain look even more ancient than before -- he looks even shorter too! Ms Palin is a full two inches taller than 5'7"-with-lifts McCain -- and that's before she wears her heels!

To add to his woes, Mr McCain's pretty little history of massive adultery against his first wife will no doubt be a centerpiece of this election. And we all know Cindy McCain and Sarah Palin hate each other already -- let the bitch wars begin!

Well done again McCain -- you've made yourself look even older than before, set yourself up for intense discussion of your adulterous habits, eliminated any opportunity to criticize Obama for lack of experience and lost a horde of your base ultra conservative Republicans who would never vote for a woman VP.

And all in one little decision!

This election just gets better and better....

Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty: Height Comparisons with McCain

The talk around town is that John McCain might have whittled down his VP choices to Mitt Romney and Tim Pawlenty. We here at the Saccharinist decided it is time for a nice gallery of images showing just how miniature Mr McCain is compared to these two contenders. Enjoy!

John McCain Height: 5'7"
Mitt Romney Height: 6'2"
McCain-Romney Height Differential: 7"

Exhibit A. The infamous primary photo:



John McCain Height: 5'7"
Tim Pawlenty Height:6'0"
McCain-Pawlenty Height Differential: 5"

Exhibit A. John McCain straining neck to look up at Tim Pawlenty to shake his hand:


Exhibit B. Tim Pawlenty on stage with McCain -- possibly dancing a jig. Still looking enormously taller than the presidential candidate:


Exhibit C. John McCain shaking Tim Pawlenty's hand on the tarmac. Notice how McCain is straining to remain upright yet still looks tiny next to Pawlenty:




Click here for the Saccharinist's leading article on John McCain's height...

Click here for previous articles on John McCain VP Contender Heights...


For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.

Brits Booed at Beijing Closing Ceremony

Amusingly, the Internet is rife with chatter about how the British sucked it up at the Beijing closing ceremony. Nobody can compete with China now.

The Chinese outdid themselves during this Olympics and the boring and embarrassingly uncreative Brits have no hope of even coming close to what will no doubt go down as the most incredible Olympics of our lifetime.

The Brits put on a cardboard pseudo-Stomp performance that had audiences worldwide yawning and wondering what more than sheer gaul could have propelled the British to once take over the world. A poorly designed, unattractive and seemingly malfunctioning double decker bus was the centerpiece of a little show they put on to introduce the world to how much they will embarrass themselves in 2012 when London hosts the next summer Olympics.

London's new mayor, that twittering idiot Boris Johnson who symbolizes so well the authenticity of a true social-climbing Brit (is there any other kind?) was just the icing on the cake of a performance so laughable that Leona Lewis was matched with Jimmy Page in a feebly arranged song number that nobody could hear and that had no bearing whatsoever on any theme relevant to Olympics, sports, the world, humanity, sportsmanship or any number of other obvious themes.

Well done Britain! Doubtless, most of the world was happy to see you soil yourself on the international stage. Even the dancers in the number looked embarrassed to be there.

Obama-Biden: Joe Biden is the Next VP

Joe Biden is Barack Obama's running mate and will be the next Vice President of the United States.... feel better now? Didn't think so...

Let's cut to the chase:

Obama needs the following criteria in his VP:

- a white man

- a long serving politician

- a foreign policy stronghold

- a known but not infamous name

- a maverick to out-maverick Shorty McCain who's really just an asshole who can beat the system cuz his daddy and grandaddy were big military men and his wifey's a multimillionaire heiress...

We here at the Saccharinist believe it will be the Obama-Biden ticket -- that's right, Joseph Biden is Barack Obama's running mate....Start your horses gentlemen...

Latest McCain VP: Who's Too Tall, Too Short, & Just the Right Height

Welcome to the latest installment of McCain VP Picks...(see below for an earlier version)...


Piyush "Bobby" Jindal --

As you know, the fraudulent "Bobby" Piyush Jindal is, fittingly, on a list of names being floated around as a possible McCain VP. Aside from the fact that the Republican party greedily snatches any minority who is a self-hater and a deceitful waste of space (see Condosleeza Rice, Alberto Bongzales, Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell or any number of other criminals in the Republican party) -- the big upping of Mr Piyush Jindal is a new low for the Republicans.

This rubbish liner married a wife who (like himself) is Hindu, changed his name to "Bobby" (but not legally) and goes around Louisiana acting like he cares about anything other than raising his own profile at the cost of the poor people of Louisiana who at this terrible time in their history needed someone who wasn't butt buddies with George W. Bush to rebuild their post-Katrina lives.

What's fascinating about Jindal is that he has somehow convinced a great deal of people that he has converted to Christianity when his parents who he himself admits he is very close to continue to practice Hinduism and in fact are leaders in the small community of Hindus in Louisiana. In addition, his parents never attended his so-called baptism to Catholicism which occurred just over 10 years ago and instead attended a joint baptism with his wife (who also, conveniently converted) which occurred just sometime in the late 1990's -- exactly concurrent with his first political appointment: as Secretary of the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals.

Seems Mr Jindal is either ashamed of his Hindu background or is simply such a fake that he'll do anything to gain office. Sounds like a true politician.

In any case, Mr Jindal is approximately 5'9" tall -- a height that fits squarely within the small margin of acceptable heights for a McCain VP however, considering McCain's top weapon against Obama is his race and his experience, it is 100% doubtful that Shorty McCain would choose a man even less attractive than himself who many Republicans will consider Black and who has less than a year's experience in political office (as Governor of the unfortunate state of Louisiana.)

How tall is Piyush "Bobby" Jindal? Saccharinist Analysis: Short enough for McCain VP but ugly enough not to make the cut.

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One of the Saccharinist's most popular posts ever was the June 4, 2008, post about John McCain's height issues. As a follow-up to this, the Saccharinist will be providing a service from now until September 1st: providing you the public with the heights of McCain's Vice Presidential possibles.

You see, we here at the Saccharinist have come to believe that -- much like the Miss America pagaent -- top tier US vice presidential possibles should provide the public with their measurements -- it's only fair of them to allow the public to size them up accordingly. And if they don't provide this crucial information, it's up to the Saccharinist to provide it for the public.

Please read below for the latest McCain VP hopefuls and their respective heights -- respective to little ol' Shorty McCain's that is (remember, he's a whopping 5'7" on a good day).



Tim Pawlenty --
As you can see from the above picture, Mr Pawlenty is plenty tall -- at least 6'2" which is well over the acceptable 5'11" height that is required of the McCain VP (not short and not too tall).

How tall is Tom Pawlenty? Saccharinist analysis: too tall for VP.


Mitt Romney --
6'2" -- the now infamous photograph of McCain and Romney standing next to each other speaks for itself.

How tall is Mitt Romney? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP




Charlie "Christodoulou" Crist --
he's short alright, almost as short as Shorty McCain himself. But that's not a good thing. Plus, Crist is a catalogue of suspense in his own right -- he's been pinned as gay for decades and is conveniently tying the knot just in time for the September Republican National Committee convention -- Cristy announced his engagement just a couple weeks ago.

How tall is Charlie Crist? Saccharinist analysis: He keeps the ticket short -- too short in fact -- and the gay rumors, including some undoubtedly up and coming confessions, will certainly exclude him from VP.



Carly Fiorina --
no exact source -- but according to various sources (here's one) and this picture of her standing next to McCain, she's "tall" which means she's definitely over 5'7" and definitely taller than McCain without the requisite heels of a woman in charge. The novelty factor of her being younger than McCain and a woman cannot possibly make up for the fact that she is a woman who is taller than the male Presidential candidate.

How tall is Carly Fiorina? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP




John Thune --
also known as "that tall guy from Murdo" which leads us to believe Thune is not just taller than McCain but a heck of a lot taller. Although at 47 years old he does balance out the age gap between McCain and Obama, his height is way out of McCain's league -- and reach. Judging from this photo of Thune standing way taller than even Obama, we'll guess he's at least 6'4" which would put him at nearly a foot taller than McCain (see photo for Saccharinist estimate). Talk about towering over the Presidency.

How tall is John Thune? Saccharinist analysis: step aside Paul Bunyan -- you're way way way too tall for VP



Eric Cantor --
he appears to be approximately 5'9" to 5'10" tall. In fact, he fits right in that acceptable height range for a McCain VP (that's him on the right) -- he's taller than the presidential candidate but doesn't entirely look like a gorilla next to this chimp. Plus, he's young (45), unknown (therefore doesn't have a soiled Cheney-like reputation), he's from Virginia, and -- bonus! -- he's Jewish which could be highly beneficial for the Repubelicans considering over 70% of Jews voted democratic in the last presidential election.

How tall is Eric Cantor? Saccharinist analysis: as of August 5, 2008, Eric Cantor is the leading candidate for McCain VP, based on height alone.


Click here for the Saccharinist's leading article on John McCain's height...


For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.

Kissinger Sleeps at the China Olympics, Still a Criminal

No, this post is not about how 3 of the worst criminals in world history are still allowed to walk freely among human beings, but rather how the criminal in the middle -- one Henry "the Killer" Kissinger -- is apparently not under threat of prosecution in China for war crimes.




Kissinger paid his due respect to the Chinese nation on Saturday by falling asleep during their basketball game against Spain at the Olympic games in Beijing. (see above photo of Kissinger sleeping easy at the Beijing olympics.) Fortunately for the US media, he did manage to stay awake during the China v US game today.

Rest easy, friends, all is still well in the world of unrepentant, unprosecuted genocidal maniacs.

Rielle Baby Daddy : Edwards' Little Girl Frances

(photo source: my.gritto.com)

You've got to hand it to Billy Clinton -- he somehow managed to avoid impregnating someone (at least as far as we know).

John Edwards, on the other hand, has obviously impregnated Rielle Hunter (aka Lisa Druck, aka Alison Poole).

This week, he claimed that his affair with Miss Hunter/Druck/Poole ended in 2006. But photographic evidence makes it plain that he is still very much in touch with his lover.

Further, he has claimed that according to the "timing" of the birth, there's no way he is the baby daddy -- since, as he claims, his affair with said woman ended in 2006. But we here at the Saccharinist cannot think of any reasonable situation where a married man of his political stature would be cuddling his ex-lover's newborn baby -- UNLESS the little newborn's got some Edwards blood in her.

So, let the record show that Miss Hunter/Druck/Poole is refusing a paternity test and Mr Edwards/Beauty Queen has shown a clear interest in late night trysts to visit this baby from a woman who he says he "did not love".

Translation:

John Edwards is the father of Frances Quinn Hunter.

Perhaps someday he'll take it upon himself to admit that, too. In the meantime, let us all step back and watch him rebuild a political career as a moral, decent and honest leader. It's not like it would be the first time a politician did that...

George W. Bushler -- Olympic Chimp

No, folks, this is not a chimp or a bonobo in the crowd -- it's the leader of the greatest superpower in the world...


It is the most global sporting event and every time the Olympics come around everybody talks about sportsmanship, not politics. But everything is politics, friends -- even sports.

Fortunately, the audience at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics had the decency to show their disrespect to George W. Bushler and his coked up wife (or whatever it is in her system that keeps her mouth shut and her hand from choking Georgey's neck).

But the good thing about George W. Bushler is that he's the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, he has no respect for humanity, Yes, he has no respect for international law, but best of all, he also has no respect for himself.

That explains why cameras focusing on the Bushler as he sat in the audience during the opening ceremony repeatedly caught him slouching wide-legged, grimacing like only a Bushler (or an ogre) can and taking regular obvious peeks at his watch (which, in all fairness, he can't really read since it's not digital).

In fact, the only two times he sat at attention -- beaming that "presidential" pose that has fooled many a million Americans -- was when the olympic team from Iraq feebled out onto the track -- waving what was left of their tattered nation's flag, and of course, the USA team -- for whom he troubled an ovation. Not that anyone cared.

C'mon Bushler! Don't strain yourself -- your legacy is irrelevant now, at least give yourself a break from the acting.

Enjoy the Olympics folks -- it's a welcome break from the hideousness of the Wart on Terror and its related horrors...

Edwards admits Rielle affair, denies paternity

(photo source: ABC)


Funny how a little thing like a photograph of you in the hotel room of a woman who is not your mortally cancer-stricken wife can spark a tad of honesty.

Johnny "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" Edwards -- former presidential candidate, former chance at the VP -- admitted today that he indeed had an affair with Rielle Hunter. Guess nobody informed him that everybody in the world already knew that.

But get this, he says he ISN'T the father of the little girl Frances Quinn Hunter whom he was photographed coddling at the Beverly Hilton just a week ago.

Yeah, right.

And George W. Bush didn't lie about his reasons for going to war against Iraq.

Too bad we don't have actual footage of George W. Bush discussing how he's lying. Then maybe the rest of America would accept that he, too, is a liar.

On another note, it's incredibly hilarious how Johnny boy decided to make his little announcement on Olympic day. It brings up the troubling fact that the mainstream (aka establisment) media refused to discuss this important story. It was good of the ABC Nightline program to arrange for this little gab session with Edwards -- looks like they are quite capable of putting a story together when and if they decide to put it out there.

Hmmm...wonder if they've refused to discuss other important stories? Anyone?

For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.

Rielle Proof: Photo Evidence of Edwards with his Love Child

(photo source: National Enquirer)


In case you missed it, there is now photographic evidence (blurry, but fathomable) of John Edwards holding his baby daughter, Frances Quinn Hunter, from lover Rielle Hunter (real name: Lisa Druck).

Nice one Johnny -- you cheated on your cancer stricken wife and got caught holding the evidence.

For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.

McCain Vice Presidential Picks: Who's too tall, too short, and just the right height

One of the Saccharinist's most popular posts ever was the June 4, 2008, post about John McCain's height issues. As a follow-up to this, the Saccharinist will be providing a service from now until September 1st: providing you the public with the heights of McCain's Vice Presidential possibles.

You see, we here at the Saccharinist have come to believe that -- much like the Miss America pagaent -- top tier US vice presidential possibles should provide the public with their measurements -- it's only fair of them to allow the public to size them up accordingly. And if they don't provide this crucial information, it's up to the Saccharinist to provide it for the public.

Please read below for the latest McCain VP hopefuls and their respective heights -- respective to little ol' Shorty McCain's that is (remember, he's a whopping 5'7" on a good day).



Tim Pawlenty --
As you can see from the above picture, Mr Pawlenty is plenty tall -- at least 6'2" which is well over the acceptable 5'11" height that is required of the McCain VP (not short and not too tall).

How tall is Tom Pawlenty? Saccharinist analysis: too tall for VP.


Mitt Romney --
6'2" -- the now infamous photograph of McCain and Romney standing next to each other speaks for itself.

How tall is Mitt Romney? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP




Charlie "Christodoulou" Crist --
he's short alright, almost as short as Shorty McCain himself. But that's not a good thing. Plus, Crist is a catalogue of suspense in his own right -- he's been pinned as gay for decades and is conveniently tying the knot just in time for the September Republican National Committee convention -- Cristy announced his engagement just a couple weeks ago.

How tall is Charlie Crist? Saccharinist analysis: He keeps the ticket short -- too short in fact -- and the gay rumors, including some undoubtedly up and coming confessions, will certainly exclude him from VP.



Carly Fiorina --
no exact source -- but according to various sources (here's one) and this picture of her standing next to McCain, she's "tall" which means she's definitely over 5'7" and definitely taller than McCain without the requisite heels of a woman in charge. The novelty factor of her being younger than McCain and a woman cannot possibly make up for the fact that she is a woman who is taller than the male Presidential candidate.

How tall is Carly Fiorina? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP




John Thune --
also known as "that tall guy from Murdo" which leads us to believe Thune is not just taller than McCain but a heck of a lot taller. Although at 47 years old he does balance out the age gap between McCain and Obama, his height is way out of McCain's league -- and reach. Judging from this photo of Thune standing way taller than even Obama, we'll guess he's at least 6'4" which would put him at nearly a foot taller than McCain (see photo for Saccharinist estimate). Talk about towering over the Presidency.

How tall is John Thune? Saccharinist analysis: step aside Paul Bunyan -- you're way way way too tall for VP



Eric Cantor --
he appears to be approximately 5'9" to 5'10" tall. In fact, he fits right in that acceptable height range for a McCain VP (that's him on the right) -- he's taller than the presidential candidate but doesn't entirely look like a gorilla next to this chimp. Plus, he's young (45), unknown (therefore doesn't have a soiled Cheney-like reputation), he's from Virginia, and -- bonus! -- he's Jewish which could be highly beneficial for the Repubelicans considering over 70% of Jews voted democratic in the last presidential election.

How tall is Eric Cantor? Saccharinist analysis: as of August 5, 2008, Eric Cantor is the leading candidate for McCain VP, based on height alone.


Click here for the Saccharinist's leading article on John McCain's height...

Click here for other McCain VP Picks and their heights...

For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.

The Next Cheney: Website Links McCain to the Devil

As we all know, John McCain has as much chance at the Presidency as a combover on Lake Shore Drive and nothing's helping his odds like the intelligent tactics by the DNC this year. Not content capitulating on this pensioner's age, decrepit looks, or -- more importantly -- his warmongering tendencies, the Democratic National Committee has decided to put it down in plain English exactly how horrifyingly deceitful John McCain really is.

Courtesy of the DNC, there is now a website called "The Next Cheney" which asks Americans to donate to a branch of the DNC that will analyze McCain's choice for the Vice President and "spread the truth" about what the guy is really about. Basically, the DNC is offering to prove exactly how tight the McCain VP is with the George Bushler/Dickless Cheney Klan -- and while McCain's still choosin', this website is devoted to exposing the top known candidates for the job.

Looks like McCain's gonna have to choose a Democrat as his VP because there isn't a single Republican politician out there who isn't soiled by the Bushler presidency AND who would actually be inclined to ticket with McCain.


For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.