Tuesday, August 05, 2008

McCain Vice Presidential Picks: Who's too tall, too short, and just the right height

One of the Saccharinist's most popular posts ever was the June 4, 2008, post about John McCain's height issues. As a follow-up to this, the Saccharinist will be providing a service from now until September 1st: providing you the public with the heights of McCain's Vice Presidential possibles.

You see, we here at the Saccharinist have come to believe that -- much like the Miss America pagaent -- top tier US vice presidential possibles should provide the public with their measurements -- it's only fair of them to allow the public to size them up accordingly. And if they don't provide this crucial information, it's up to the Saccharinist to provide it for the public.

Please read below for the latest McCain VP hopefuls and their respective heights -- respective to little ol' Shorty McCain's that is (remember, he's a whopping 5'7" on a good day).

Tim Pawlenty --
As you can see from the above picture, Mr Pawlenty is plenty tall -- at least 6'2" which is well over the acceptable 5'11" height that is required of the McCain VP (not short and not too tall).

How tall is Tom Pawlenty? Saccharinist analysis: too tall for VP.

Mitt Romney --
6'2" -- the now infamous photograph of McCain and Romney standing next to each other speaks for itself.

How tall is Mitt Romney? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP

Charlie "Christodoulou" Crist --
he's short alright, almost as short as Shorty McCain himself. But that's not a good thing. Plus, Crist is a catalogue of suspense in his own right -- he's been pinned as gay for decades and is conveniently tying the knot just in time for the September Republican National Committee convention -- Cristy announced his engagement just a couple weeks ago.

How tall is Charlie Crist? Saccharinist analysis: He keeps the ticket short -- too short in fact -- and the gay rumors, including some undoubtedly up and coming confessions, will certainly exclude him from VP.

Carly Fiorina --
no exact source -- but according to various sources (here's one) and this picture of her standing next to McCain, she's "tall" which means she's definitely over 5'7" and definitely taller than McCain without the requisite heels of a woman in charge. The novelty factor of her being younger than McCain and a woman cannot possibly make up for the fact that she is a woman who is taller than the male Presidential candidate.

How tall is Carly Fiorina? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP

John Thune --
also known as "that tall guy from Murdo" which leads us to believe Thune is not just taller than McCain but a heck of a lot taller. Although at 47 years old he does balance out the age gap between McCain and Obama, his height is way out of McCain's league -- and reach. Judging from this photo of Thune standing way taller than even Obama, we'll guess he's at least 6'4" which would put him at nearly a foot taller than McCain (see photo for Saccharinist estimate). Talk about towering over the Presidency.

How tall is John Thune? Saccharinist analysis: step aside Paul Bunyan -- you're way way way too tall for VP

Eric Cantor --
he appears to be approximately 5'9" to 5'10" tall. In fact, he fits right in that acceptable height range for a McCain VP (that's him on the right) -- he's taller than the presidential candidate but doesn't entirely look like a gorilla next to this chimp. Plus, he's young (45), unknown (therefore doesn't have a soiled Cheney-like reputation), he's from Virginia, and -- bonus! -- he's Jewish which could be highly beneficial for the Repubelicans considering over 70% of Jews voted democratic in the last presidential election.

How tall is Eric Cantor? Saccharinist analysis: as of August 5, 2008, Eric Cantor is the leading candidate for McCain VP, based on height alone.

Click here for the Saccharinist's leading article on John McCain's height...

Click here for other McCain VP Picks and their heights...

For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.