Thursday, August 21, 2008

Latest McCain VP: Who's Too Tall, Too Short, & Just the Right Height

Welcome to the latest installment of McCain VP Picks...(see below for an earlier version)...

Piyush "Bobby" Jindal --

As you know, the fraudulent "Bobby" Piyush Jindal is, fittingly, on a list of names being floated around as a possible McCain VP. Aside from the fact that the Republican party greedily snatches any minority who is a self-hater and a deceitful waste of space (see Condosleeza Rice, Alberto Bongzales, Clarence Thomas, Colin Powell or any number of other criminals in the Republican party) -- the big upping of Mr Piyush Jindal is a new low for the Republicans.

This rubbish liner married a wife who (like himself) is Hindu, changed his name to "Bobby" (but not legally) and goes around Louisiana acting like he cares about anything other than raising his own profile at the cost of the poor people of Louisiana who at this terrible time in their history needed someone who wasn't butt buddies with George W. Bush to rebuild their post-Katrina lives.

What's fascinating about Jindal is that he has somehow convinced a great deal of people that he has converted to Christianity when his parents who he himself admits he is very close to continue to practice Hinduism and in fact are leaders in the small community of Hindus in Louisiana. In addition, his parents never attended his so-called baptism to Catholicism which occurred just over 10 years ago and instead attended a joint baptism with his wife (who also, conveniently converted) which occurred just sometime in the late 1990's -- exactly concurrent with his first political appointment: as Secretary of the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals.

Seems Mr Jindal is either ashamed of his Hindu background or is simply such a fake that he'll do anything to gain office. Sounds like a true politician.

In any case, Mr Jindal is approximately 5'9" tall -- a height that fits squarely within the small margin of acceptable heights for a McCain VP however, considering McCain's top weapon against Obama is his race and his experience, it is 100% doubtful that Shorty McCain would choose a man even less attractive than himself who many Republicans will consider Black and who has less than a year's experience in political office (as Governor of the unfortunate state of Louisiana.)

How tall is Piyush "Bobby" Jindal? Saccharinist Analysis: Short enough for McCain VP but ugly enough not to make the cut.


One of the Saccharinist's most popular posts ever was the June 4, 2008, post about John McCain's height issues. As a follow-up to this, the Saccharinist will be providing a service from now until September 1st: providing you the public with the heights of McCain's Vice Presidential possibles.

You see, we here at the Saccharinist have come to believe that -- much like the Miss America pagaent -- top tier US vice presidential possibles should provide the public with their measurements -- it's only fair of them to allow the public to size them up accordingly. And if they don't provide this crucial information, it's up to the Saccharinist to provide it for the public.

Please read below for the latest McCain VP hopefuls and their respective heights -- respective to little ol' Shorty McCain's that is (remember, he's a whopping 5'7" on a good day).

Tim Pawlenty --
As you can see from the above picture, Mr Pawlenty is plenty tall -- at least 6'2" which is well over the acceptable 5'11" height that is required of the McCain VP (not short and not too tall).

How tall is Tom Pawlenty? Saccharinist analysis: too tall for VP.

Mitt Romney --
6'2" -- the now infamous photograph of McCain and Romney standing next to each other speaks for itself.

How tall is Mitt Romney? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP

Charlie "Christodoulou" Crist --
he's short alright, almost as short as Shorty McCain himself. But that's not a good thing. Plus, Crist is a catalogue of suspense in his own right -- he's been pinned as gay for decades and is conveniently tying the knot just in time for the September Republican National Committee convention -- Cristy announced his engagement just a couple weeks ago.

How tall is Charlie Crist? Saccharinist analysis: He keeps the ticket short -- too short in fact -- and the gay rumors, including some undoubtedly up and coming confessions, will certainly exclude him from VP.

Carly Fiorina --
no exact source -- but according to various sources (here's one) and this picture of her standing next to McCain, she's "tall" which means she's definitely over 5'7" and definitely taller than McCain without the requisite heels of a woman in charge. The novelty factor of her being younger than McCain and a woman cannot possibly make up for the fact that she is a woman who is taller than the male Presidential candidate.

How tall is Carly Fiorina? Saccharinist analysis: way too tall for VP

John Thune --
also known as "that tall guy from Murdo" which leads us to believe Thune is not just taller than McCain but a heck of a lot taller. Although at 47 years old he does balance out the age gap between McCain and Obama, his height is way out of McCain's league -- and reach. Judging from this photo of Thune standing way taller than even Obama, we'll guess he's at least 6'4" which would put him at nearly a foot taller than McCain (see photo for Saccharinist estimate). Talk about towering over the Presidency.

How tall is John Thune? Saccharinist analysis: step aside Paul Bunyan -- you're way way way too tall for VP

Eric Cantor --
he appears to be approximately 5'9" to 5'10" tall. In fact, he fits right in that acceptable height range for a McCain VP (that's him on the right) -- he's taller than the presidential candidate but doesn't entirely look like a gorilla next to this chimp. Plus, he's young (45), unknown (therefore doesn't have a soiled Cheney-like reputation), he's from Virginia, and -- bonus! -- he's Jewish which could be highly beneficial for the Repubelicans considering over 70% of Jews voted democratic in the last presidential election.

How tall is Eric Cantor? Saccharinist analysis: as of August 5, 2008, Eric Cantor is the leading candidate for McCain VP, based on height alone.

Click here for the Saccharinist's leading article on John McCain's height...

For the latest Saccharinist coverage of Selection '08 click here.