Tuesday, May 23, 2006

George W. Bonobo

It seems it is now time to put to rest the joke comparing George W. Bush to primates, well, not completely, of course, since he is still chimp-like in his appearance, after all. However, new research indicates that, unlike the Georges bushius slowbrainicus, some apes such as the bonobo and orangutan are capable of forward planning. That would exempt the slowbrainicus as it has proven repeatedly that it is not capable of planning ahead. Apparently, these apes are capable of projecting their future needs by, for example, storing tools for later use and then actually remembering to use them when the need arises (shocking, I agree). In Bushspeak this would be comparable to having a plausible plan for the reconstruction of a nation that has been preemptively attacked, preventing the further destruction of our enviroment, or, simply, planning to chew a pretzel before actually stuffing it into one's mouth. Sadly, the slowbrainicus is prematurely evolved (perhaps this is why it is so against the theory of evolution) and this function is not within its brain capacity.