The Ugly Side of Wealth

Yes, these people were, in most cases, hideously unattractive or at best, plain-looking, even prior to the onslaught of stretching, peeling, injecting, removing and remolding which they undertook over the years. Still, isn't it better to appear naturally ugly than to look like you tried -- very hard! -- and failed? I'll ask the same question I would of Michael Jackson: do you not have a single person in the world who cares enough to tell you the truth?? This friends, is the tragedy of a lifetime spent surrounded by yes-men who adore your wealth rather than your self.

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Nicole Kidman was 5'10" with clear skin from the very beginning -- not a supermodel, but certainly not an android with her neck sucking her head off. Her face lifts, blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty and (some say) cheek implants have transformed a human into a cerebral vacuum. It's only ugly when it shows, Nic...

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Burt Reynolds, many would argue, was never a pillar of beauty, but he brings to life the real reason for the "plastic" in "plastic surgery": when your face lift belies the actually moment when the surgeon pulled your skin tight, you need to consider your options...

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Yes, Joan Rivers was, to put it lightly, canine, but is this any worse than her current dependence on refrigeration? See, addiction knows no bounds -- someone please deplete her bank account and commence a vigil...she couldn't possibly live without at this point.

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Antonio Banderas left his lovely Spanish wife for this. Yes, he is a sell-out and, like most people who make it in Hollywood, willing to endure any debasement in order to obtain and sustain fame and riches. His wife, the nasally-challenged Melanie Griffith has proven the cardinal effect of too many face lifts: your nose gets stretched East and West till it eventually seeks custody of your ears. She is, however, more famed for her obsession with Grade Z lip collagen. "The more to smooch you with, mi amor!"

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Of course, this isn't really a "Before" of Cher. At this point, she had already had the necessary rhinoplasty to remove the massive bump (an embarrassing remnant of Miss Sarkisian's Armenian heritage that was an obstacle to success, bien sur) in the middle of her nose. She and her then partner Sonny Bono underwent his-'n'-hers rhinos at the peak of their love. She's made no secret of her intention to continue down this path, eventually, no doubt, aspiring to being her own mannequin at Madame Tussaud's.

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And here you see China's version of Jessica Lange. Well, actually, it's her own version courtesy of that horrible condition called Face-lift-itis. The worst symptoms of this atrociously disfiguring disease are brows that reach for unnatural heights, eyes that seek to join those brows and a general sense that Silly Putty has finally been put to practical use -- though, the virtue of these results is still in dispute.