Mission: Impregnable

Yes, Tom Cruise and his fiancee Katie Holmes have announced that she has lost her virginity, eh, well, that she is now pregnant. But the message is clear, of course. What Chris Klein couldn't achieve in 5 years of dating and being engaged to Miss Holmes, The Right Mighty Cruise Missile (as he'll have us believe of him) did in less than 5 months.

Certainly he considered that the rumor mill about the real nature of this relationship will be churning on overdrive now. As will the questions about how, in fact, the egg was fertilized. Was it immaculate conception? Miss Holmes, and her father, for that matter, made it very clear that as a good little Catholic she would abide by the laws of chastity until the bonds of marriage were firmly in place. Or perhaps it was alien conception, a la Cruise's religious beliefs? Or perhaps nothing more ordinary than IVF -- considering that in both his other marriages no children were produced. His first wife claims she divorced him because he insisted on celibacy and Nicole Kidman only fell pregnant toward the very end of their ten-year union, enduring the tragedy of miscarriage, one month after this loveable man filed for divorce when she was 3 months pregnant. Let's just hope he has more compassion this time around.

It is remarkable that this man is so litigious considering that his entire life is staged for public scrutiny. The only thing more amazing than Tom Cruise's insistence that his private life be private is the fact that this woman has gone to such great lengths to profit from associating with him.