Rhinoplastic Rundown

And now, to lighten up the mood (the Saccharinist needs a rest from worldwide horrors just as much anyone!), let's take a closer look at some celebrities who, as we've noticed before here at the Saccharinist, are not quite as good-looking as you may think. In this edition of Saccharinist Surgico-Freaks, we're going to focus on what many surgeons and patients claim is the most satisfying plastic surgery procedure out there: the rhinoplasty -- a subject near and dear to many an Iranian nose, oops, I mean, heart! It's satisfying because with a tiny saw here and a little bit of sewing up over there, the most prominent feature of your face dramatically changes your entire look -- hopefully for the better.

First off, let's check out Frida-babe Salma Hayek who, by most accounts looks very natural indeed...

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...well, almost. See, it turns out that Ms Hayek has had her nose done which explains why I've been telling people for years that her nose looks abnormally small for her face. She was and is a beautiful woman. It's just that now with the refined nose she looks, well, refined which would have been useful had she not spent the great part of a decade playing ditsy topless roles in Hollywood B-films. Still, I think she looked sweeter before -- but what do you expect of a Saccharinist?

Next up, our favorite perfect Oscar-winner, Halle Berry (also, like Hayek of mixed-race)...believe it or not, she wasn't born so perfect!

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Halle, it seems, decided that the one thing she was missing was a smaller nose. The difference is perceptible and I would have to agree is an improvement. Is plastic surgery wrong -- especially when it brings so much happiness to the world? I think not!

The next rhinoplastic celeb has been very vocal about how much she hates her nose. In fact, even now, post-op since she was a teenager, she still complains that the top of her nose is weird. We here at the Saccharinist agree. Observe:

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Yes, indeed, Britney Spears has got a weird nose and absolutely no rhinoplastic procedure can correct a bizarrely large bone at the top of one's nose without making one's eyes appear even farther apart than they already do. Good luck with all that lady!

Finally, we come to a specimen of celebrityhood that most women have finally outgrown, though the Saccharinist never quite understood the appeal in the first place. Yes, surely you will be shocked to find that Tom Cruise was not a natural beauty...uh huh:

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Nope, Tom, as most rational people saw even post-op, is an average Joe who at one time had a major schnoz.

And there you have it, there is a very tiny percentage of people possessing an extraordinary natural beauty -- everyone else got a good job in Hollywood!