Little White Jackos

It's been years of nonsense, obvious fibbery and Halloween masks on Easter Sundays, but finally, the truth has come out about Michael Jackson's blond-haired, blue-eyed children: they are 100% White. That's right, Jackson's ex-"wife," has come forward admitting the children were conceived courtesy of a sperm bank. No wonder he insisted they wear ridiculous face masks everytime they were out in public -- though, of course, the masks never managed to cover the kids' completely straight hair, and only attracted attention to Jackson's desperate need to hide something insidious about his catalogue of "facts" on his personal life.

Next up in Wacko news: yes, forty years after Malcolm X last tried to convert the Blackeratti (or in Jackson's case, the Used-to-be-Blackeratti) of America, Michael Jackson is on course to becoming a Muslim in his newly adopted country of Bahrain. His brother Jermaine converted years ago, though a little too late for his son who was Christianed with the unfortunate name of Jermajesty. Well, considering Jackson's dubious sexual preferences, and the recent incident where he was caught wearing hejab in a women's public toilet in the UAE, it seems only reasonable that he'd seek a religion where covering his hideous guise might be acceptable. Or not.